My first date with the Divine
[The original article was published on my private site in 2019]
Dec 09, 2019
2019 has been an amazing year for me in many ways. Just two weeks ago, I was journalling to reflect on all the things I’m grateful for and thanking my Divine father (God/Universe) for granting my wishes for the year. Now, it was time for me to create my 2020 wishlist, and guess what was at the top of the list? A Sacred Plant Medicine Experience!
Ever since I watched the documentary, “DMT: The Spirit Molecule,” I’ve been fascinated by this topic and researching it. So, my goal for 2020 was to visit Rhythmia Costa Rica for an Ayahuasca experience. Little did I know that the Universe had even better plans for me.
A few days after my journaling exercise, completely out of the blue, one of colleagues and good friend reached out to me. She had recently had her own Plant Medicine experience and felt a strong calling to share it with me. She connected me with Steve, and just like that, I found myself enrolled in a Full Day Retreat scheduled for December 7th.
Energy Flows Where Intention Goes
I had one week to prepare with breathing exercises, diet adjustments, and more, but all I could manage was sticking to vegetarian food. I attempted to cut down on caffeine, but resisting my morning chai proved quite challenging. Steve suggested that I think of an intention before attending the retreat. The night before the workshop, I decided my intention: to connect with the Divine. I wanted to understand if I could be of service and, if so, how. Yet, there lingered doubt within me. Was I good enough?
Synchronicity is the Universe’s way of saying “Yes”
The next morning, I woke up early and grabbed some almonds to munch on during my drive. I waved goodbye to my husband and told him, “I’m going on a date with the Divine!!” My husband chuckled and said ‘Yeah, right!’.
It was a cloudy day and on the way, I spotted multiple rainbows, and I knew it was going to be a fantastic day. I tried not to dwell on how things would turn out; I was prepared to embrace whatever the Universe had in store for me.
Upon arrival, Steve welcomed me with a warm embrace, and I stepped into his beautiful house, where a huge image of Goddess Lakshmi adorned the patio wall. The house overflowed with high vibrations, and the love in that space boosted my confidence and readiness for the journey ahead.
Eyes Are Windows to the Soul
The group gathered in a circle, with a few folks assisting Steve as guides. I was delighted to see my dear friend, who was also among the guides today. Our session began with introductions, ground rules, breathing exercises, and Qigong. Steve then proposed an Eye Gazing exercise to the group, where we had to choose a partner and engage in prolonged eye contact.
Not many instructions were given, and I turned to Bobby, who agreed to be my partner. We sat down, facing each other, and locked eyes. Surprisingly, this exercise turned out to be quite amusing for me, and I couldn’t help but burst into laughter for some reason. I tried my best to remain serious, not wanting to disrupt the others in the group, but keeping a straight face proved impossible, both for me and Bobby, who was also struggling to stifle his laughter.
The exercise seemed to go on for quite some time, and it made me realize that I hadn’t engaged in such prolonged eye contact with anyone in a while. Bobby had captivating, deep-set eyes, but I felt like I might have missed the opportunity to truly delve into the essence of the exercise, which was perhaps to connect on a deeper level. I also felt a sense of guilt, thinking that I might have hindered Bobby’s experience as well. I later apologized to Bobby, but he reassured me, sharing that he was in the same boat as me.
The Journey Begins
We embarked on our journey, and Steve produced a pre-measured dose of sacred plant medicine, along with some berries and apples. As we all consumed our share, I waited in anticipation to see what would unfold next. I desired to fully immerse myself in every sensation, but in the back of my mind, a fear lingered — what if I fell asleep and missed the entire experience?
I settled onto my mat, equipped with my pillow and favorite shawl, recalling my intentions, and patiently awaited what lay ahead. This was my first encounter with psychedelics, and I had no idea what to expect. Nevertheless, I constantly reminded myself to remain aware and witness the journey with full senses.
Soon, I sensed energy moving up my spine and into my head, which started to feel numb and heavy. Deciding to lie down, I experienced a slight shivering. I became acutely aware of myself and had an intense desire to withdraw from the group.
It felt as though people were scrutinizing me, triggering a loop in my mind — the fear of being seen, the worry of what others were thinking about me. Was I appearing fine? What opinions did others hold of me?
In all those thoughts trail, I tried to reassure myself that everyone was having their own unique experience, not focused on me. This internal struggle persisted for some time, and I couldn’t help but giggle when I felt observed. It brought back memories of my childhood, engaging in mischievous activities and trying not to get caught.
One vivid memory was of being with my cousins at a family wedding, sneaking mangos from the kitchen and eating covertly on the rooftops. I kept laughing, feeling like I was up to something naughty and had to hide, all while people were watching me.
As I was in this loop, I felt my body getting heavier and heavier. I was thirsty but not able to express my needs. My thoughts swirled, my sense of reality became muddled, and I questioned whether my life was but an illusion or a dream. I constantly searched for my friend in the surroundings, needing reassurance of her presence.
I also felt a strong pressure that I have to be some kind of reporter of all these events. I was struggling with that idea for some time and was constantly thinking of what will happen if I don’t do that?
Let It Go
And soon in all the blah blah blah of the mind chatter… I started to notice the sacred geometry in everything. When I closed my eyes there were beautiful geometric shapes. I was reminded of all the artwork I saw recently at Mesmerica Show by James Hood.
Directly above me, as though I were gazing at the sky or the roof with my inner vision, I beheld a captivating black geometric pattern adorned with vibrant colors, much like the image below. It appeared to breathe, undulating like a wave, and seemed to invite me to ascend higher. However, entangled in my thoughts, I hesitated to fully merge with it. I admired its beauty from a distance but was uncertain about taking that leap.
Then, a soft voice whispered in my right ear, encouraging me to release my fear and ascend to greater heights. In response, I communicated through my thoughts, saying, “I don’t know how to let go, please help me.” Soon enough, I found myself merging with this expansive and beautiful space above me.
A Journey Into The Void
Everything began to accelerate, and any thoughts or beliefs I held in my mind started to disintegrate. All the words I could think of were slipping away. Every question, every pang of thirst or discomfort, every thought, and every word that surfaced in my mind was swept aside. This continued for some time until I grew thired of thinking or using words in my head.
I received a message that I was heading to a place described as “TheVoid” or “Zero State” — a realm devoid of words, thoughts, or sounds. I understood it as a place of absolute nothingness. A metaphysical realm of complete emptiness, The Void.
In this moment, I recalled Steve’s comment about how humans are creatures of words and how fond we are of using them. Yet, here I was in a realm beyond all words, enveloped in profound silence. I was not allowed to think of anything but to experience the tranquility and stillness in it’s real essence.
It was a place of pure silence, a stark contrast to the human inclination to name and categorize everything. In this wordless, noiseless space, I found beauty and tranquility, yet I couldn’t find words to describe it or name it as anything I knew.
Stay In The Present
After this experience, I started to wake up and I slowly opened my eyes. I saw Steve seated by the fireplace, radiating a divine glow around him. He gazed back at me, and I felt as though he were a kind, loving father figure. He gently picked up a log from the fireplace and softly blew on it. As I closed my eyes, I entered the “Zero” Space of silence, and when I reopened them, all I could perceive was Steve, the fireplace, and the prayer flags hanging on the wall.
I couldn’t move or allow my thoughts to wander; I was instructed to be fully present in this moment and absorb it entirely. Every detail in the physical environment appeared like a piece of art, and it dawned on me that the entire consciousness was sharing this moment with me. It became clear that all the paths in my life had led me to this precise scene, just as it was.
Reconnecting With My Unresolved Past
I was filled with awe while observing Steve and the radiant aura surrounding him. After a few minutes, Steve left his spot by the fireplace, and I noticed Cecilia, one of the group’s guides, taking his place. She was in tears, gazing at me with a hint of resentment. Everything else in the room faded into the background, and my entire attention was on Cecilia.
Despite Cecilia wearing glasses, leggings and a t-shirt, in my perception, she appeared as if she were without her glasses, resembling a figure from Victorian times.
It was evident that she held some resentment toward me, even though no words were exchanged; her pain was palpable through her eyes. I pondered why she was angry with me, what had I done to cause this, and in that moment, I felt a surge of emotions. I experienced the intensity of her pain and resentment in my heart.
I recognized a connection from a past lifetime, now unfolding before my eyes, as an opportunity to resolve something I was grappling with in my current life.
This experience brought my unresolved issue with my elder daughter, Rhea, into sharp focus. She, too, was highly sensitive and had endured colic as a baby, leading to frequent bouts of crying. My reactions to her cries were often insensitive, and at times, I labeled her as overdramatic.
I came to understand that her sensitivity was intertwined with my past actions toward my sister, with Cecilia symbolically playing this role to bring this issue to my awareness. I viewed it as an opportunity to address and release this unresolved energy from a previous life.
Steve, who had the aura of a compassionate father figure, sat beside Cecilia as if encouraging me to apologize. In that moment, I felt a sense of familial connection — Steve as our father and Cecilia as a sister from another lifetime.
Now was my chance to apologize to my sister for my past insensitivity. I attempted to convey my deep love for her and express my heartfelt remorse, but I found myself in a paralyzed state where words escaped me. I could only communicate with Cecilia through my eyes. She, too, seemed entangled in this scene, crying with lingering resentment, as if not ready to forgive me.
My crying intensified and filled the room, as I yearned for Cecilia’s forgiveness. My friend, who was also a guide, intervened, suggesting I move to another room to avoid disrupting the others. However, I couldn’t bring myself to leave; I remained speechless, unable to find the words to express my love and remorse to Cecilia.
Everything else faded away, and I locked eyes with her, silently begging for her forgiveness. She gently nodded in acceptance. I remember Steve instructing Cecilia to hug me, and as our embrace tightened, it released all my pain. Immense relief washed over me, and I was now ready to transition to another room.
Letting Go of Attachments
With the assistance of Steve and my friend, I reclined on a bed in a different room. From my vantage point, I could see a vast image of Shiva in the patio, surrounded by trees and a slice of blue skies.
I savored that moment to the fullest, and soon, an internal voice began guiding me, urging me to fully absorb each passing moment. It encouraged me to release the life I had known and had been leading thus far. It revealed my life path and showed me how all the circumstances and events in my life had been meticulously orchestrated to guide me to this precise moment of encountering and merging with the Divine.
Without any clue who was the Divine. I was surrendering to every moment as it came.
A gentle guidance then asked me, “Isn’t this what you sought, to meet with the Divine?” I inquired, “Will I return to my family?” The response came, “No,” and I comprehended that the path I had chosen led me towards merging with the Divine.
Thoughts of my husband and children crossed my mind, and I understood that I had transitioned into a different timeline, where they would still have some “version of Sarika” in their lives. Meanwhile, I would remain here in the presence of God. I felt content for them and embraced this understanding. At that moment, I completely accepted that may be I have died and in a realm of afterlife. A profound realization washed over me that this is Moksha, Nirvana or Liberation, as described in the scriptures.
Divine Shows Up For The Date
As I lay there, waiting to see what would unfold, my focus shifted to a large Shiva Tapestry hanging on the patio wall. Gradually, everything around me began to fade, and my awareness gradually narrowed and got locked in to Shiva’s image.
My heart swelled with an expanding sense of pure love. This love grew stronger, surpassing any feeling of love I had ever experienced in my life so far. It was like infinite love. This love was incredibly pure and unconditional, beyond what my human mind could fully grasp. I was experiencing the love that divine has for me. It was limitless, and I realized I didn’t need to do anything to earn it. I was simply loved. This was the essence of the Divine — pure love. And I understood that at my core, I too am pure love.
I understood that every step in my life had a purpose, leading me to this very moment. And my only purpose in this moment was to gaze upon and cherish the image of God. I also understood that, in their own time, everyone would have a chance to encounter this divine presence on their unique journey. It might occur in this lifetime for some and in another for others, but eventually, all will feel the essence and love of God. This is the fundamental aim of human existence, and it often takes multiple lifetimes to fully comprehend this truth.
I saw all my life circumstances, and how each event led to another. How I met with my colleague and we shared our passion for spirituality and how she had to bring me to this event. As I looked around, I noticed my friend and the other guides sitting close by, watching over me, sending healing energy, and maintaining a supportive atmosphere while I was immersed in this trance-like experience.
Understanding of Deeper Truths
I was told that all of human experience is merely the Divine having experiences through different sets of eyes, with all eyes ultimately being one — the eye of God. It brought back memories of our initial eye-gazing exercise, and I sensed that Bobby’s eyes represented the Divine’s eye.
I learned that there exists either consciousness or nothing at all, the realm of nothingness, the void, where there are no words, no sounds, just pure emptiness. I could feel this when my eyes were open, observing everything around me, realizing that all in my awareness was consciousness. When I closed my eyes, I entered a state of nothingness.
Divine said that this is all that there is. I was pretty amused by this and laughed at how straightforward it all seemed. Divine said The Truth is simple, yet our human tendency is to complicate everything.
I questioned what about galaxies, aliens, and all the other human explorations of space travel and science advancements? The Divine explained that all of this is part of divine adventure and experience; every thought, dream, emotion, and idea contributes to the vast realm of consciousness. In simpler terms, there is either consciousness or absolute emptiness, a void state from which consciousness emerges, expresses itself, and ultimately merges back into it.
Everything within the collective awareness of all that exists is part of universal consciousness. This includes not only animals, plants, and humans but also the very rocks, oceans, and jungles of the world. In every atom, consciousness resides.
The ideas of “good” and “bad” are merely constructs formed by humans through our language. In reality, there is no absolute right or wrong, no inherent good or bad. Everything represents a distinct experience for the Divine, without judgment or categorization.
There is only one observing eye, and it’s the Divine’s eye having diverse experiences through the eyes of everyone. It’s all one consciousness, and we are all interconnected.
The Divine shared that all pain experienced by anyone, including my past encounter with Cecilia, is part of a collective experience. As I healed, it contributed to healing for the entire collective. While we might view our journeys as individual, at the core, we are interconnected. As we elevate ourselves, our collective consciousness also rises. We are all leading each other home, back to Divine Source from which we all originate.
Expressing My Gratitude
As I delved deeper into these profound revelations, I couldn’t help but express my deep gratitude and honor for the Divine’s decision to meet with me. The overwhelming sense loved washed over me, and I poured out my immense love for the Divine, feeling reciprocated by the love emanating from the Divine. Tears of gratitude and love flowed freely from my heart.
I became aware that, ultimately, each person will have their turn to be in the presence of the Divine. Everyone’s path is unique to their own, but the destination remains the same — to gaze upon the Divine. Some may find the Divine in Jesus, others in Krishna, some may see it in their guru’s face, and yet others in elements of nature. Nevertheless, everyone will have their encounter with the Divine when the Divine chooses to reveal itself to them. That space and time are already planned out by a higher, divine order.
Filled with love, I was in awe of the beauty and simplicity of the grand cosmic joke that encompasses this human existence.
As the day drew to a close, a sense of melancholy washed over me, realizing I had to bid farewell to this divine encounter. I longed to remain here forever, admiring the beautiful image of the divine. Parting was painful; I resisted leaving. However, the Divine gently indicated that it was time to go, and that we will meet again.
With a heavy heart, I bid farewell to the Divine’s presence, tears streaming down my face. As the trance was wearing off, everything else turned blurry but His eyes and third eye became sharp and clear. His face was gracefully transforming, growing even more radiant. Completely transformed and filled with the grace of love, I was ready to return to my life. My inner guidance constantly reminding me to etch this experience in my memory and granted me permission to share with the world when the timing is right.
I took one last look at his image and said ‘Good Bye’. When I turned around, I saw Cecilia and Steve standing beside me. I burst into laughter, thinking that they had been listening and understood all the conversations I had with the Divine. My happiness knew no bounds, and I laughed heartily, feeling blessed and deeply satisfied. To my surprise, Cecilia and Steve joined in my laughter. Overwhelmed with joy, we all embraced each other.
My gratitude knows no bounds, and I am forever indebted to Steve and my friend for facilitating this extraordinary experience. Cecilia, too, holds a special place in my heart for her assistance in healing wounds I hadn’t been aware of until now. I returned home and shared this transformative experience with my family and we all hugged hard.
Lastly, I am profoundly grateful, humbled, and deeply honored that the Divine chose to connect with me on this auspicious day.
With the love of the Divine within me, I send boundless love to all who have the privilege of reading this experience.
Love Light,
Sarika
